Making friends as an adult

Its all so easy when you are a kid. At school we are put in classes with others the same age as us. There are clubs where we can have fun with kids with similar interests. At a park or soft play, all you have to do is walk over to another child and say “Can I play?” or “Do you want to be my friend?” Most of the time the answer is yes.

Fast forward a few years. If you go to college or university, again you are put into a class. There are socials, freshers week and various clubs to join. If you have moved away from home and into the halls or dorms, everyone else is in the same boat. Everyone is new, wants to meet people and is open to making new friends.

But what if you are trying to make friends as an adult? What if you move to a new place or your circumstances change? How do you start over with meeting and getting to know people? It feels so much harder as an adult, especially if you are juggling work, home and family. I have moved to another city twice now. Both times it was for work and I didn’t know anyone except the family I was going to work for. I admit its scary but it is possible to find/make a new social circle and it can also be a lot of fun! Here are my tips.

Don’t be embarrassed

The first time I moved to a new city, I felt a bit embarrassed to be looking for friends. I was worried I would look sad or desperate, like that kid in secondary school who’s socially awkward and doesn’t really fit in. I’ve been there before… But the truth is a lot of people are in the same situation. They’ve moved to a new area, their other friends have coupled up and started having families, they’ve realised their interests have changed etc. This time around I don’t feel embarrassed and neither should you! Putting yourself out there doesn’t make you look sad or desperate, it makes you look brave. 

Think about your interests

Did you belong to any clubs when you were at school or university? What did you like doing in your spare time as a kid? Yes we have all grown up since then (in theory!) but thinking about your past interests can help you to discover activities that you would enjoy today. If you were very creative maybe you would enjoy an art class? Maybe you could learn a new skill such as knitting or pottery? If you were active is there a sports team you can join or a gym class you can sign up for? Where there are clubs and classes there are normally other people. If those people have similar interests then you already have something in common.

Find clubs/classes/groups that appeal to you

Following on from the last tip, find an activity or group to join. If you know what you are looking for, search google to see if there’s anything in your area. Local newspapers and notice boards in shops or supermarkets are another good place to find activities local to you. I also had a lot of success with meetup.com. Its free to sign up, you tick the kind of activities you are interested in and enter a search radius, say 10 miles from your postcode. All the groups in that area pop up, you can join any that look interesting and RSVP which meetups you would like to attend. Through this site I have gone to the cinema, had coffee/cake/lunch, gone snowboarding and driven quad bikes and hover crafts! There is something for everyone so why not give it a try?

Say Hello

Yes I know this one feels scary. I have always been shy and when I’m in a situation where I don’t know anyone, my first instinct is to leave or hide at the back and keep to myself. All I can say is the more you put yourself out of your comfort zone, the easier it will get. So when you are doing that art class say hello to the person sat next to you. Introduce yourself to as many people as possible when you attend that meetup group. Smile and be friendly. If it is your first meetup and you were really nervous, say that! Then watch as everyone else nods and starts sharing stories of how scared they were when it was their first time. Trust me, I have seen this happen many times!

Be patient

Remember that these things can take time. You might hit it off with someone straight away or it could be a bit trial and error until you find the right group for you. Have fun with it and try not to put pressure on yourself to be really social and make tons of friends. Do it at your own pace. 

I was inspired to write this post after joining more social groups as part of my Life Balance Project. What are your reasons for making more friends? Let me know in the comments below =)

Take care,

Hayley x

Lets stay in touch

Never be afraid to try something new

<a href=”https://www.bloglovin.com/blog/19616985/?claim=zgq3c7ubdjw”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Life is busy and complicated. I’m not complaining, it would be kind of boring otherwise. I’ve always enjoyed the challenge of learning something new and if what I learn could help make life feel less busy and complicated, then even better! My main flaw is that whenever I have a brainwave and think “I’m going to do this/learn that!” I get overexcited, try to take on too much too fast and end up quitting, through either frustration or burnout. Or both in equal measure. Ever been there? Enthusiasm is good but I’ve come to realise that planning and organisation are crucial too. Throwing myself head first into something without really knowing what I’m doing is exciting at the time but in the end, unlikely to work out.

That is the purpose of this blog, to help me keep on track with what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. It’s a place to talk honestly about what I want to achieve, what’s working, what isn’t and what I’m going to do next. I have lots of goals and ideas floating around but almost all of them fall into three themes. I want to save myself time, money and effort.

Time. It’s something that you can’t buy and for most people, including myself, there never seems to be enough of it! I hope that by working on skills that improve my time management, I’ll have more time for the important things.

Money. My never ending quest to save for a house deposit. I’m doing my best but there’s always room for improvement. I’m a single buyer and don’t have a high income. I’m a nanny by trade, which I love and wouldn’t want to change any time soon, however childcare generally isn’t a well paid profession. It just means I have to save harder and look for more inventive ways of scrimping or  earning extra money. Like I said earlier, I enjoy a challenge, which is good because getting a mortgage in my circumstances will be a big one!

Effort. If a habit or skill can make life easier then fantastic. However often to save time and money you need to make an effort. That’s why effort is my third category because at the moment time and money are my priority.

I decided the best way to add a bit of order was to get everything out of my head and onto a scrap piece of paper. I sat for 10 minutes just scribbling down every idea that came into my head. Skills I want to learn, habits I want to make (or break!) goals I want to pursue, things that I want to research in the future, basically dumping everything out of my head and onto paper. When its all laid out in front of you its so much easier to group things together and make sense of everything. When I was done I had 3 main goals, 2 areas I want to research more into and a few skills and habits that I clustered together based on type.

Goals

  • Save for a house deposit: Not much more needs to be said about that, I need to save and earn as much as I can if I ever want to be a homeowner.
  •  Learn new skills: The whole reason I’m starting this blog is to teach myself new skills that will hopefully help me out with reaching my other goals.
  • Feel more organised: I just want to feel like I know what I’m doing and that my life isn’t disorganised chaos basically!

Skills/habits

  • Meal plan, meal prep and eat better. I’ve grouped these 3 because they all tie in together. I want to plan what I’m eating, prep beforehand so its easy to grab and go and that should mean eating better as a result.
  • Declutter, organise, make a capsule wardrobe. I have done all 3 of these before a couple of years ago and I was very happy with the results. Unfortunately then life happened and the clutter and clothes slowly crept back in. I’m going to try again but change my approach so that this time the habits stick.
  • Make a budget, shop smarter. I want to get a better understanding of how much I’m spending, what on and find ways of spending less.
  • Bullet Journal. I used to adore my Bullet Journal. It went everywhere with me in my bag and I always knew what I had to do that day and what was coming up that week. But then once again, life happened, habit slipped and then stopped completely. I plan on writing a full post about this soon and starting up my bullet journal again, I actually felt like an organised adult when I had one!

Research

  • Mindfulness
  • Forming habits

I plan on researching the above topics as they are both things that I’ve had an interest in for a while.

So that’s why I’m here! Feel free to join me on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest. In tomorrows post I’m going drill down into what I want to achieve in different areas and make an action plan! Have you taught yourself a new skill recently? If you could choose one new habit that would change your life, what would it be? Let me know in the comments below.

Take care,

Hayley x

Lets stay in touch